I had hoped to make the first post-Christmas entry something light-hearted and fun, but alas, the Grand Architect of the Universe had other plans for Misplaced today.
Unfortunately, someone back in Buffalo needs a spanking, and it's on me to do it.
I didn't want to, but sometimes inappropriate behavior cannot be ignored... especially when it hits close to home, more so when it involves someone who falls under Misplaced's cloak of protection.
Pull up a chair folks. This is some fucked up shit. We'll get to the lazy hippie after a little background.
Christmas Night, I received a telephone call from my dear friend ****** back in Buffalo. (Some names redacted to protect the privacy of the individual, others are getting called the fuck out.) After making small talk with me for a few moments, ****** informed me that she had spent part of Christmas Day in the hospital after taking a fall down her basement steps, hitting her head on the concrete, and knocking herself unconscious, resulting in seventeen stitches, and one hell of a shiner.
After my expected freakout on receiving this news, ****** informed me that she was indeed okay, was going to have a drink, then it was off to bed for some much-needed rest.
But not before she asked me the following question:
"Do you want to hear something that's going to make you very angry?"
Knowing the hospital that she had been treated at was capable of moments of unprofessional behavior, leading to complete ineptitude, I was expecting her to tell me a story of Emergency Room incompetence.
It was a story of unprofessional behavior by a hospital staff member, but one completely uninvolved with ******'s case.
Unprofessional behavior that sadly, was directly tied to Misplaced.
Immediately following her fall, ****** was rushed to Millard Fillmore Gates Hospital by her son, and son-in-law. There she was seen and treated in the emergency room, stitched up by a doctor who is a colleague of a surgeon who is a friend of her son, and sent upstairs for a CT scan, just to make sure everything inside the skull was as it was supposed to be.
While the three of them were in the elevator on the way up to have the CT scan done another person boarded the elevator. This would be Kathy, the live-in girlfriend of Don, my former landlord, and lazy hippie I promised we would discuss.
Kathy recognized ****** and said: "Mrs. *****?"
****** looked at her and said something to the effect of "I'm sorry, I don't remember who you are..."
Kathy responded: "I'm Kathy, Don's girlfriend".
****** said: "Oh yes, I remember you."
Kathy then turned to ******'s son and said: "Do you know Jonathan?"
******'s son replied: "Yes, I know Jonathan." (Why wouldn't he? I was around their family on a regular basis going back to 2004!)
What happened next was easily the most absurd thing I have heard in many years...
Kathy then said: "Yeah, Jonathan left us with a lot of bills when he moved out..."
Now hold on just a second here...
Many of you know the circumstances in which I moved out of the house on Pennsylvania Street in Buffalo. Many of you had the opportunity to visit me there, and those of you who did know the condition it was in when I moved in, the improvements I made while I was living there, and the things I accepted as a condition of having a landlord who is a lazy hippie. I'm talking about:
1. The hole in the roof that led to black mold growing in the ceiling and walls of the third-floor bathroom, rendering it not only unusable, but also a serious threat to the health of anyone who entered it.
2. The hole in the siding just below the roof line that allowed squirrels to infiltrate the ceilings on BOTH the second and third floors... Anyone who visited will remember the scampering of little clawed feet over the kitchen and living room on the second floor, and over the Master Bedroom on the third floor.
3. The list of other minor flaws and imperfections that were NEVER addressed by the lazy hippie landlord... some as minor as a broken front door lock, and lack of a doorknob. Some as major a a baseboard heat system that needed to be bled, but never was, and the lack of an adequate fire escape.
All of that is irrelevant in light of the fact that Kathy was running her mouth about a two-year old landlord-tenant dispute that had nothing to do with the parties she was discussing it with.
More so considering that she was running her mouth to ******'s son and son-in-law who were obviously more concerned with the fact that ****** had just sustained a rather severe head injury, and really don't give a rat's ass about my dealing in my personal life.
After my head exploded, I talked with ****** for a few more moments and hung up the phone.
I sat there, furious. Not because Kathy was airing my dirty laundry to people I am very close to, but because the inappropriateness of her behavior was increased tenfold by the fact that she chose to slander me to friends of mine who quite obviously had much bigger concerns at the moment.
I calmed myself down a bit, then logged onto Facebook and sent Don The Lazy Hippie the following missive:
Jonathan K. Lee December 26 at 10:36am
Don ***** December 26 at 5:06pm Report
Of course, I wasn't going to just let that slide:
Jonathan K. Lee December 26 at 6:59pm
To which he responded:
Don December 26 at 7:40pm
Nineteen minutes passed, during which he forwarded my messages to him to anyone he thought would listen, then I received this:
Don ***** December 26 at 7:59pm Report
For some reason, he seemed to think that "going public" was going to bother me.
In fact, his "going public" has simply opened the door for me to discuss the situation here, and share it with a much larger audience than the fifteen or twenty Facebook friends he forwarded my earlier messages to.
He tried to take me to court over that situation last year, and the Judge threw out his case.
Hmm... the court threw out his case, and I won... What does that say?
I must have really struck a nerve with him, because I hadn't seen or responded to his above tirade when he sent this along nearly an hour later:
Don ***** December 26 at 8:54pm
Misplaced can sure push some buttons, can't I?
The following morning (after all, I don't feel the need to sit on Facebook for hours like some people...) after reading his "high brow" spluttering I sent him this:
Jonathan K. Lee December 27 at 8:44am
Yeah... those of you who know him and have access to his page have seen that he is quite proud of, and announced the fact that he's only a few months away from sucking the Social Security tit... thank GOD for entitlements I guess...
To that he responded:
Don ***** December 27 at 9:17am
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines "bloviate" as follows:
Function: intransitive verb
Inflected Form(s): blo·vi·at·ed; blo·vi·at·ing
Etymology: perhaps irregular from blow
Date: circa 1879
: to speak or write verbosely and windily
Misplaced may be a LOT of different things, not all of them good, but I'm guessing that most of you are chuckling at the use of the word "bloviating" to describe me.
I responded to his accusations of "bloviating" behavior as follows:
Jonathan K. Lee December 27 at 5:12pm
Of course, this enraged him, and the following arrived in my inbox thirty-seven minutes later:
Don ***** December 27 at 5:49pm
Talk about petulant. That's the most aggressive backpedaling I've ever seen... I'm amused by his descent into name-calling... Speaks volumes as to who is holding the moral high ground.
By the way, who the hell is Rick Gross? Do any of my readers know? If so, please share. I'd hate to let a perfectly good insult go to waste... I feel like I'm missing something here.
Further proving that the lazy hippie just can't get me off his mind, three minutes later the following arrived in my inbox:
Don ***** December 27 at 5:52pm
Well... I would have thrown in another "pointless rant", but the lazy hippie flexed his Facebook muscles, and blocked me from replying to his messages, or clicking on his link so I can send him any more messages.
I guess he took his ball and went home.
At the end of the day, if he or his girlfriend have an issue, they should be bringing it up to me... NOT injured acquaintances and their family members in the hospital. Especially when the situation has nothing to do with them.
Word to the wise:
If you have an issue with Misplaced, you take it up with Misplaced.
When you read this hippie, (and we BOTH know you will) under stand that you don't ever fuck with the people I care about. That's a sure way to find yourself on the receiving end on my wrath. To underline that point, I'll leave you with this quote from Samuel L. Jackson's Jules Winnifield character from Pulp Fiction:
"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee."
Food for thought you stupid, lazy hippie.
As for the rest of you? The cool ones? The ones who have nothing but love for Misplaced?
I'll see YOU tomorrow.